My classes are currently reading a Tim O'Brien novel titled The Things They Carried. During our study of one of the chapters, we analyzed the importance in the change of a character's cry: pretty to ugly. Everyone knows a pretty cry. It is the cry that movie stars do. The cry when they still look good while crying. Then, in our story, the character, as his struggle intensifies, cries an ugly cry. He describes his body shaking, convulsing even. This is the cry when you don't look good. Your breathing more resembles gasping in strange bursts, mascara runs down your face as it turns an odd shade of red, you reach for a tissue and realize: this, right here, is an ugly cry.
This week I cried ugly.
In the end it wasn't the cry that got to me, it was what made me cry. I was overwhelmed and stressed as a result of my worry. I was worrying about things that may or may not happen in the future. I was mentally fighting a battle that hadn't even started yet.
Then I saw my desktop image that quotes Exodus 14:14, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."
I decided to lose ugly and, instead, be still.
