My new space!

I am so thankful for everyone who has faithfully followed my blog and supported my writing! I'm excited to announce this blog is moving to a new space. Starting today, Yankee Belle can be found at kimberlykeith.com . My hope is that you continue to follow my blogging adventure. 

See you soon!

The 'S' Word

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord..." Ephesians 5:22 

It wasn't too long ago that I would cringe at this verse. I worked too hard I thought to roll over and let someone else make decisions for me. I'm an educated, hard working woman with a good head on my shoulders. I can do things on my own. I was (am) prideful.

Then one day, a few weeks ago, Chad and I wanted our family to do two different things. His decision was rooted in what was best for our family. My decision was rooted in fear. I didn't recognize either of these things until later. So, what did I do? I pouted. I protested. I lost. In the end, Chad was right.

Later that day, I recognized the magnitude of that moment. That moment was a chance for me to be submissive to my husband's decision. A chance for me to trust him as our family's leader. At the time I didn't know what was best, but Chad did.

I am learning that the word 'submit' in synonymous with 'trust'. Please don't misunderstand this post as a piece advocating for disempowering women. It's quite the opposite. Women have a voice in the world today like never before. With this voice, women teach, encourage, inspire, and empower others. For this I am so thankful! In fact, this blog is the very evidence of that voice-my voice.

In our family, every major-and most minor-decision is made together. Chad regularly solicits my advice and listens to my heart. For this, too, I am thankful. In doing so, Chad is showing me love by valuing my input. But when I am wrong, an occurrence that is less rare than I originally believed, it is Chad's duty as a husband and father to make the right choice. The choice that is best for our family. It is my duty, then, to submit. By submitting, we-as wives-are building a stronger, more unified family. In this way, women have the power to contribute to their family's fortress. A fortress built on God's Word.

So, how have you learned to submit? Where are you on the learning curve? I want to know! Let's use our voices to empower others.

My Busy

A recent favorite of Nora. 

At 95 percentile for height/length, most of her pants look like this.

Trust me, I'm not trying to make this blog a once a month deal, despite the appearance to the contrary. You all know life gets busy. It's not a new revelation exclusive to me. It just so happens when my life gets busy, this space seems to be the first thing that is neglected. But this time around, busy has been so good. Here are some updates.

I've been able to watch Nora discover... snow || Spring's tease of warm weather and sun || Koda as more than just another fixture in the home || laughter after peek-a-boo, flying (not so high) in the air, and Koda tickling her tummy || rice cereal || rolling from back to tummy and then a consequential melt-down because she hates lying on her tummy. I'm in love with her little person, my daughter, and pray she grows up with a sweet, sweet spirit.

Chad and I celebrated a marriage between two friends who are a living testimony to God's beautiful restoration. The joining of their families was a very precious moment to witness. I'm thankful to have been a part of that day.

The Lord has been working in my heart. Recently, I have felt an urging from Him, more than ever, to walk in love. My eyes have been open to specific situations where I am prompted to carry out peace, kindness, joy, grace, patience, forgiveness, generosity and humbleness. It truly is the Lord allowing me to recognize the opportunity to change my behavior accordingly to better represent Christ. There is still-always-so much room for me to grow in these areas, and I am thankful for the ability to be aware and practice this living.

Just yesterday, my students shared their senior projects with the CSD community. Their projects featured a diversified range of topics that included defining moments in their lives or a look into a personal topic of interest. I spent the time leading up to the event editing papers and fretting over the audiences' perception of it all. When the day came, I was reminded of the depth of my students' lives. I shed tears while watching one student share the story of her sister's adoption. I shed some more while seeing others moved by the death of a young man's father. I had a few more tears to part with while another student spoke about his grandfather's influence in his life. I will forever savor those moments.

Time with friends! Chad is facilitating a weekly financial class that allows us to host several good friends every Thursday evening. As a person who cringes at the word "budget", I have really enjoyed spending time with these people. Even if the conversation revolves around money.

Trying to be two perfect parents and full-time employees is hard. (It's really, seemingly, impossible, but I couldn't commit to using that word outside of parentheses. Too final and devoid of hope.) During the weekday evenings at home filled with dinner prep, laundry, minimal cleaning, quick snuggles before bed, grading, email catch-up, and other nominal tasks, I found myself neglecting my marriage. In it's place came nagging. You're not loading the dishwasher correctly. Why don't you put the iPad down and help me do _______. Can you feed/change/hold Nora? I feel like I'm doing everything.

Sound familiar to anyone? Please say yes.

By last Friday, we (I) were (was) downright unpleasant to be around. Commence date night. I've completely underestimated the power in attentive, uninterrupted conversation with my husband. Sure, the accompaniment of good food, wine, and dessert doesn't hurt. However, it was really the investment of time, honesty, and listening that did our marriage some good. Our brief retreat from the world allowed us to return a little bit more in (appreciative) love than before.

There's my busy. Hope your's gets a rest this weekend.

Resolution Recap

Today is the 46th day of 2014. If you remember, I began the new year with a list of goals (it seemed less daunting to label them "goals" rather than "resolutions") I decided to work toward in the coming year.  I think it's about time for an update. I can use the accountability.

1. Spend more time in the Lords' Word. I'd like to say I am in His Word daily. I'm not. I could say being a working mom makes it hard to squeeze in the time, but that'd just be an excuse. I have, however, made it a point to intentionally surround my family with His promises and truths. So I bought this chalkboard/mail organizer with the intention of it featuring a new verse each week. For the first week, I found myself reading the verse whenever I passed by. I often meditated on and thanked the Lord for this promise. Then came week two when I prepared to feature a new verse and realized I used a chalk marker that didn't really like erasing. Oh well, this promise will hang around for a little while longer.

2. Write in my journal two times a week. Admittedly, not two times a week, but WAY more often than I had in the past. I'll take the improvement. 

3. Write in Nora's journal two times a week. Can you sense a theme occurring? Yup, no two times a week here either. I started strong and found myself writing the same thing just in multiple entries. Not a whole lot changes week to week in the life of an infant. So I resolved to record the most memorable days, like yesterday's snow adventures or her recent ability to reach toward the toy that's caught her attention.

4. Return to my pre-pregnancy weight by eating healthily and being more active. This weather is fierce and has trapped me indoors! On sunny days, Nora and I still enjoy our neighborhood strolls. I'm not at my pre-pregnancy weight yet, but I'm definitely getting closer!

5. Work out three times a week. Nothing overly exerting other than my walks, but I'm hoping to change that when the weather warms up some. Recently, a colleague of mine recently opened a new CrossFit with her husband. Hoping to check it out in the summer when I have more time during the day to devote to exercise. Any CrossFitters out there? Thoughts? I'd love to hear!

6. Replace one grocery list item with a healthier, organic alternative every time I shop. I'm succeeding! I've leaned more to clean, organic fruits and vegetables. I've been choosing more nutritious snack options and Chad is actually dairy-free right now. A challenge for meal planning, but looking forward to seeing the benefits for him. 

7. Establish an afternoon/evening routine. Find a time to "turn off" work. I no longer have my work email on my phone. I don't do schoolwork until Nora goes down for the night. The freedom I've allowed myself (really) to put work in my back pocket until later has allowed for such sweet times with my baby girl. 

8. Go on more (new) dates with Chad. We haven't yet gone on any new, noteworthy dates. Rather, we've been enjoying staying in and doing activities together as a small family. I wouldn't change a thing.

9. Spend more face time with friends-once a month, one on one date nights with a friend. One of my best college friends came to visit our little family over my birthday weekend. I had the best time reconnecting with her. We talked and laughed a lot, and even broke a sweat to the Wii game Just Dance. It was like old times and it warmed my soul. Can't wait to enjoy more of the amazing women in my life. 

I'll take this one. It fits.

I worked a total of 1.5 days this week. Why? Well, snow. And my mother-in-law had abdominal surgery (she watches Nora), so I planned to take Friday off to allow her to rest and heal. The extra time with Nora was amazing. We did many things together: smile, laugh, lay around in pajamas (yup!), nap, play with Koda, and explore the dusting of snow.

During our time together I realized something. I like to work. Being a mom, at home, is work. It's some of the hardest work I've had. (And I've had plenty of jobs in my day.) I have a wealth of respect for mothers who stay home and raise their children. It's challenging and exhausting, to say the least. You, stay-at-home-moms, have a grace and patience I will never know. After a day with Nora, when Chad comes home, I welcome passing off our daughter for a quick moment. Knowing that I don't have to keep an ear open toward the monitor in case she cries, coughs, or chokes brings a relaxation that can only be divine.

If we were in a financial position for me to stay home with Nora, I would, in a heartbeat. I'd be the mom who arranges play dates, brings bake goods to nursery school fundraisers, serves in various PTA roles, makes daily organic lunches, and volunteers at local charities in between knitting scarves. That isn't a joke. I really desire doing such things!

But in this season that's just not possible. And that's okay because I like working...outside of the home. I think that can be a tough realization for mothers to come to and publicly admit. When I'm at work, I miss cuddling Nora and rocking her to sleep for her naps. I miss her coos and big, gummy, bubbly smiles. I miss being her mom, all day, every day. But I like getting teenagers to read a line of Macbeth and feel the weight of Shakespeare's words. I like hearing a reluctant reader say, "That book wasn't so bad." I like seeing a student, who believes he is a bad writer, delight in the story he has told because the words came easy and with power. I like working to support my family and knowing I'm providing a life for my daughter that will open doors.

Does that make me a bad mother? Judge as you wish, but for this season, my role fits quite comfortably and I'll continue to wear it.

Edgy

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a writer. Along the way I may not have made the best choices toward my end goal. For example, choosing physical therapy as a major during my freshman year of college. Biology, chemistry, and calculus in one semester? My roommates, some of the most loyal women I know, can attest to the ill-fitting nature of that choice.

So I changed majors and started blogging. Blogging wasn't what it is now. Today, the blogging world has exploded. It is filled with fashionistas, DIY-ers, entrepreneurs, and the like. There are many exceptional bloggers doing amazing things through their sphere of influence. Different seasons found me trying to fit into the mold other bloggers have carved out for themselves. Those attempts, too, were ill-fitting. 

Twenty-nine has brought with it a new season I'm excited to explore. This season has come with questions I've had to confront; most of which concerns what I want with my life and where, exactly, I'm going. But I don't want to talk about those questions today. Chad's sweet birthday gift to me was the promise of helping me give my blog the facelift which it so desperately needs. (He's one of the best gift givers.) Preparations for a new look made me question my writing platform. Where do I want this blog to land in the sea of its companions? What's my edge? 

I then came face to face with the reality that my blog doesn't have an "edge". I'm far from a fashionista, DIY-er or entrepreneur. I just have me, my stories, and the hope that you read them. At first I was really discouraged by this. I questioned if I should drastically reinvent myself or just abandon blogging all together.

But my God uses simple people to do great things. God has given me a story. I want my simple stories to reach others and, if only for a second, resonate in their hearts as familiar. That's my "edge", however dull it may be. I'm okay with that.

Yes!

In less than a week I will turn 29 years old. 30 has always felt far, far away. It's not. I may still feel like I'm 22 years old, but there's no denying-no matter how many adult responsibilities I pass along to Chad (oil changes, budget balancing, taxes, mortgage, to name a few)-I'm a full-fledged adult 

Blame it on getting older or recently entering motherhood, but I now have a desire to say "yes" to any dream and opportunity that presents itself before doubt creeps in and talks me out of it. Don't get me wrong, I still strive to maintain boundaries and deliver strong "no"s to things that take without giving back or may infringe too much on family time. Rather I will say "yes" to taking chances on things that may make me uncomfortable but ultimately bring along the promise of a more enriching life.

Already...

Saying "yes" has allowed me to forget about the spit up on my shirt, jeans that don't fit, and sink full of dirty dishes and instead smile and laugh more while fellowshipping with friends. Saying "yes" has allowed me to take one step closer to a dream while building confidence and witnessing Chad's love for me as shown through his unwavering encouragement. 

Yes, 2014, I'm ready for you.

Two Month Old Nora

Our baby girl is two months old today! I kissed her bare bulging belly tonight and thanked the Lord that she is healthy and strong. Her smiles are still rare, but more frequent, and she has much to say. She loves finding the picture frames on nearby walls (yeah, we can't figure that one out either), and is quickly becoming best buds with Koda, the lazy Shiba Inu pup. Her legs are slowly getting more and more plump (much to mom's delight), and we celebrate the fact that she is a big ole' sleepy head (8-9 hour stretches at night-amen!). 

She is loved.

Hello there, 2014

A blogger I follow is embarking on a challenge to make a list of 101 things she aims to accomplish in 1001 days. Her ambition inspired me to make some real goals at which I truly desire to succeed. But let's be real - as a new mom returning to work in just three weeks, I'm likely to lose my way somewhere between today and 1001 days from now.  So, here is my (really) scaled back version for 2014 - 10 goals for the new year. I'm hoping that by sharing these with you I will have some additional accountability than just my own conscience. Yes, that means call me out!

1. Spend more time in the Lord's Word.

2. Write in my journal at least two times a week. Focus on recording things I learn about the Lord - His character and promises, myself, motherhood, and any moments from the new year that I don't want to forget.

3. Write in Nora's journal (a place for me to write her love letters) at least two times a week. 

4. Return to my pre-pregnancy weight by incorporating clean, healthy eating and regular exercise as facets of my everyday lifestyle. The sooner the better! Can I get an amen?

5. Work out three times a week. I'm going to try to run a familiar route in my neighborhood that totals two miles, but a nice walk around the block will do. Notice the wiggle room behind the intentionally vague phrase "work out".

6. Replace one grocery list item with a healthier, organic option each time I grocery shop.

7. Once I figure out my afternoon/evening routine when I return to work, set an exact time for when I "turn off" work - no checking email, grading, lesson planning -  to spend quality time with Chad and Nora.

8. Go on more dates with Chad! I want to go on one new date (something we've never done together) each month. Suggestions welcome, especially free ones!

9. Spend more face time with friends. Make a "date" with one friend each month to just enjoy her.

10. This came at the suggestion of Chad. As I was trying to be cute - 14 goals for 2014 - he suggested I scale back. This is embarrassing, but there are days when I get so caught up with doing things I feel are so important that I forget to eat! Who does that? I love food! There are also the days - more recently - when I don't get out of pajamas. This is normal, right? So, at Chad's urging, this list includes just 10 goals, the last of which is to do one thing for me each month. Some ideas I have are to actually make things I pin on Pinterest, read a non-teaching book, get a mani/pedi, take an afternoon to wander the aisles at the Depot... you get the idea.

What lies ahead for you in 2014?

Wild and Free

I cannot believe Nora is now one month old! This little beauty has been the largest blessing. I'm pretty sure in my last post I confessed that being a mom is hard. Let me just repeat that sentiment; being a mom is hard! I've become well acquainted with the most obscure hours of the night, the quickest showers in the history of bathing, a variety of poop forms I never knew existed, a level of multi-tasking that warrants some sort of medal (although I'll settle for her smile), a complete lack of awareness as to how I look because my excitement of getting out of the house with everything baby girl needs before noon shadows all else, the struggle to stay up and have some time to myself versus the rational: sleep quick and fast before she wakes up again, the yearning to breastfeed and the physical struggle that ensues, the desire to stay home and raise my daughter rather than having to return to work, and an overwhelming, halting love I never knew I'd experience. It's the hardest, most beautiful job and I would not trade it for anything in the world.

Last week I had the privilege of hearing Jessi Connolly from Naptime Diaries speak at a Charlotte wide ladies' gathering. An open invitation was extended, so I jumped right in and am so glad I went! (I am thankful for a husband who left work early to watch the babe so I could attend. I even received a photo of him in the trenches during my absence, complete with a spit-up stained shirt.) My time there was nothing short of refreshing.

Jessi spoke about her recent endeavor to live a life wild and free. What woman doesn't want to live wild and free? As she talked about confronting the lies we, women, often fall victim to, and the freedom that comes with believing, instead, the promises of the Word, a different speaking point pierced my heart. It was her prompting to replicate the freedom we-rescued, redeemed and restored children of God- experience in the hearts and lives of others. She posed the question, "In whom will you replicate this freedom?" Nora, I thought.

In that moment I wanted to be a better person, woman, mom. I wanted to be the woman I desire Nora to grow into. I want to be the best example of a woman reverent of the Lord in every aspect of her life.

I want sweet Nora to be wild and free.

Nora Evelien

As I type this, the baby monitor sits beside me where I watch my little girl sleep. Nora Evelien joined our family on November 11 at 8:48 pm. Weighing 8 lbs. 7 oz. and nearly 22 inches long, the nurses called her a large baby. In my arms she felt so small. Her eyes opened wide to take in this new, vast world. Then her eyes found mine. I am completely in love.

In my short time as a mother, I have already learned so much. I've learned that being a mom is hard. There are struggles that occur every day, like fighting the worry of will my baby spit up at night and choke and choosing to trust the Lord to watch over and protect her health and heart. It seems silly, but that's a prayer with which I've become all too familiar. In the wee hours of the morning, when she fights sleep, I find myself fighting frustration and exhaustion as I practice patience and choose joy. Then, of course, when she finally drifts to sleep, my bed becomes a distant desire as I can't tear my eyes from her precious face. The minutes pass as I imagine the kind of woman she'll become.

Chad and I have also learned the importance of a loving community. We have been truly humbled by the outpouring of love and generosity from our friends and family. Our hearts are full knowing Nora is surrounded by many who will love and pray for her to know a life walking with the Lord.

Sweet Nora has changed my world, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Joy!

This weekend, my emotions got the best of me. Shocking, I know. (I know I'm not alone, here!) Chad and I traveled to the land of baby overload -Babies "R" Us - to purchase some remaining items I felt were essential to procure before baby Nora's arrival. I found myself to be in possession of a very generous gift card that could, for an undetermined reason, only be used on diapers, wipes, or formula. We needed diapers-perfect-except for the specific diapers we were looking for were not available in store. No problem,  I'd order them online. Simple enough. However, said gift card could not be used online. As I type this, I'm experiencing no emotional response to those series of events. But last night, after a long, exhausting day, these events caused the waterworks to flow! Along with the tears came every doubt of my ability to mother well. (Hormones, I tell you!) Chad tried to snap me out of my emotional crisis, but I chose to stay there.

This morning, I read over my lesson for our church's children's class. The lesson, in line with exploring the fruits of the spirit, spoke of joy-primarily choosing joy when your emotions and circumstances choose otherwise. In Acts, Paul and Silas chose joy when they were beaten and imprisoned for sharing the gospel. They didn't mope in their cell, but instead prayed and same songs of praise. The Lord's joy was their strength, and He honored them for their choice. They were freed, welcomed into the guard's home for dinner and a bath, and went on their way to continue sharing the gospel. Paul and Silas trusted in God's promise for their life, their path, and He did not fail them.

So, today, when I taught a classroom of children about joy, I wasn't the teacher. God was the teacher and I was the student. If only I can remember that every day.

Nehemiah 8:10 "And Nehemiah continued, 'Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!'" (NLT)

God is so good...

Last night I had dinner with two of my best friends. They are kind, loving, brilliant, blunt, and both over 60. Lynne, one of the strongest women I know, housed me for my first three months in North Carolina, only after she landed me my first real, adult job. Pam was my first officemate. She has a tendency to tell you what she thinks, whether you want to know or not, but would truly give you her life if she knew you'd be better off with it than she. These ladies have taught me so much about living. Last night's conversation centered around none other than my upcoming life with baby Nora.

But I don't want to talk about that. I want to share today's post-dinner email exchange with Pam.

Pam: "So great to see you and Lynne last night. You look absolutely gorgeous. Love you much and can't wait to love Baby Nora! Have a happy day and try to prop your feet up!"

Me: "I had such a great time last night. Thank you for thinking of getting together. You do too much for the people you love! Those boots you found are adorable! I cannot wait until she is big enough to wear them.  :) Love the other gifts too! She has a cell phone now, and is still in the womb-ha!"

(Last night's gift brought Pam's total to number four. This child isn't even here yet!)

Pam: "Well, of course I want Baby Nora to be technologically savvy! Can you believe that in 18 years you will be the mother of a high school senior? Doesn't it all seem surreal?"

Me: "I refuse to believe that to be true. Can I do that?"

Pam: "Yes, and she'll be beautiful and accomplished and she'll drive you batty some of the time. And ten years later she will thank you for raising her well. And that, my precious young friend, is the value of this life. How blessed are you to get this opportunity. God is so good..."

The Baby Blues

I haven't had baby girl yet, but today I want to talk about postpartum depression. As someone who has struggled with depression for years, combined with my current status as an expectant mother, my ears perk up a little whenever I hear that phrase thrown around a conversation. Take yesterday, for example.

Yesterday was day two of our prepared childbirth class. It also happened to be our last day, so, technically, I guess we're "prepared". Maybe in the sense of I have a really informative booklet sitting on the table in front of me, but not many other senses. One topic of yesterday's class was postpartum depression; symptoms, treatments, past stigma, and the importance of open dialogue. Consider this post the beginning of my open dialogue. Sure, I've completed the class, but I don't feel prepared for tackling the care of newborn baby, birth recovery, sleepless nights, irritability (mine, Chad's, baby's, all of the above), new schedules (or no schedules), uncertainty, a roller coaster of hormonal responses, and potential postpartum depression.

What is one to do?

Recently, Chad and I were having a conversation about what we would do if we had "lots of money". Somewhere in the banter I said I would throw lots of fun dinner parties. Chad's response? Do it now. Live today like you would if you had "fill in the blank with whatever you feel life would be better accompanied by".

I got to thinking about how I would handle postpartum depression if I find myself in his company. I've read blogs, books, considered natural remedies, taken notes in classes, and-silly enough-worried. (Hence, this post.) As I continue to contemplate whether or not I will take any specific post-birth treatment measures, I plan to take my husband's advice and live today in a way that just might make life better if I do fall into postpartum depression.

1. Spend face to face time with people who care about and love me. Pour into them as they pour into me.

2. Exercise and eat well. (This will start after I publish this post, since I just helped myself to three pieces of chocolate. Hey, we can't all be perfect.)

3. Create and continue an open dialogue where I honestly share how I am feeling. (This counts as a start, right?)

4. Pray without ceasing. If the same power that conquered the grave lives in me, it certainly can conquer postpartum depression. If willing, pray alongside me!

5. Speak life!

6. Reach out to the SO many mothers I know who walk with the Lord and are the brightest lights to their family and children.

I don't know what awaits me following the birth of this wee little one, but her presence-even in the midst of this blog's subject matter-makes me one giddy and excited lady!

If you're a mom, I'd love to hear how you anticipated the potential onset of postpartum depression or walked through it. Heck, you can share it with me at my next dinner party! :)

Frolicking in Fields: Maternity Edition

Sorry for the photo dump, but I just love how these photos by Seth Snider-a great friend and talented photographer-turned out! He'll kill me for saying this, but doesn't Chad look incredibly handsome? 

The photos were taken at 30 weeks, three weeks ago, and I feel as though baby girl has grown so much since then! We are so excited to meet her, and so thankful that she is already wrapped in the love of our family and friends.

Is this lap taken?

I was reminded today of how powerful a small, simple act of love can be. My high school student advisory group traveled to our elementary school to promote classroom literacy by incorporating the presence of a therapy dog. Our first classroom visit was to a self-contained, special needs classroom. There were six students in the classroom to my eleven high schoolers. As one high schooler finished up reading a book to the children, one small elementary student slowly climbed into the lap of a high school football player. The football player looked a little uncomfortable at first, but quickly adapted when he noticed how content the young student became in his presence. My heart melted instantly as I tried to savor the full magnitude of that sweet, special moment. The moment itself was short in duration, but the impact it had on both boys was unmeasurable. 

The moment brings to mind the saying, "We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love." It is the Lord's grace, not our own striving, that gives us the ability to do all things, day in and day out, with great love. This is the very lesson I am in the midst of learning; it is not by my own works, but by God's grace that I can be the wife, soon-to-be-mother, teacher, daughter, sister and friend I want to be. In doing so, walking in His grace, loving as the football player showed love, John 13:35 tells us, "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (NIV)

Sweet Autumn, I love you.

Autumn arrives tomorrow, and I couldn't be happier! I know I am not alone. The pumpkin spice latte following alone has proven this! Our family walk this morning held hints of Autumn's arrival: specks of coloring leaves, a slight chill in the breeze, and sweatshirt donning neighbors. It was nothing short of fabulous. I always hear people speak of their long list of autumn favorites, so I thought I'd share a few of mine, in no particular order. 

Big mugs of warm yumminess. Be it tea, a latte, or plain old cup o' joe, I love early mornings on the couch, yet under a blanket, and warmed by my favorite mug! (I've been good-no more than a cup of anything caffeinated just a few times a week.) Don't get me wrong, I'll take one to go as well. In fact, check out this recipe for making your very own pumpkin spice syrup at home. 

Crisp air. If Anne didn't get it right, surely Fitzgerald did.

"Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall." -F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby 

The native New Yorker in me loves a good, cold morning! Truly, they remind me of soccer practice as a kid. We'd bundle up in multiple layers and go run around the leaf-covered field. No matter how low the temperate dropped, I'd never wear pants. My father swore that real soccer players (code for European) don't wear pants when they play, so I was prohibited. Autumn also provides the best weather for hiking. Chad, the pup, and I did this quick hike over Labor Day Weekend. The crisp air, if for nothing else, makes the scarves, thick socks, mittens and boots all the more necessary. By the way, have you seen these boots? So romantic.

Pumpkins! The deliberation of picking the best one in the pumpkin patch can be rough, but its presence is always welcome in our home. In fact, Chad especially loves all things pumpkin, so we usually have quite the collection. I wish our mantel was a tad bit deeper so I could do something fun like this nicely decorated one. 

Comfort food-chili, taco soup, baked potatoes, pumpkin pie, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, without moderation, my waistline would go on and on as well. Especially when I've been wanting to try to make these salted caramel apple hand pies! Maybe the consumption of comfort food inspires me to get out and appreciate the crisp air some more. :)

This autumn is especially anticipated as it ushers in Nora's (yes, we settled on Nora!) arrival. Our baby girl is growing strong and healthy and we are so eager to meet her! I imagine my feeling of having to get so many things (school plans, nursery, my mental state) "ready" before she makes her debut is a common one. For this reason, I'm thankful for the seven more weeks before the 40 milestone, but at the same time I want to rush those weeks along. Most importantly, there's comfort in knowing the more time she bides in my belly, the stronger and healthier she will be. 

What are you looking forward to this season? Do share!

Back to school!

First day of school - baby girl at 28 weeks

I have survived the first week of school! "Survived" seems pretty accurate considering the painfully early morning alarm settings and near exhaustive evenings I experienced.

In the midst of the first week's chaos there were some beautiful moments. Returning to the Community School of Davidson for the second year, I am reminded why I love teaching. There will always be days where students don't value the worth of a lesson the way I anticipated or simply try my patience, but that's just it - there is every school day where I have the opportunity to ignite a passion for learning in the heart of a student, more than one if I'm lucky. As I go from bell to bell there are always lessons I am learning. Here are a few:

1. Listening is underrated. Think back to high school. Did you cringe a little? Yeah, me too. High school was a complicated season filled with uncertain identity amidst social and familial trials not many want to relive. My students are there now. Some shut down and want to travel this season alone. Others search for a compassionate ear. When I'm lucky, I'm that ear. It may be very little things they share, but when they see I listen, their eyes sparkle a little to mimic the fullness in their heart. They just want to be heard without judgement or correction, just love. Yes, at times I'm short with them, thinking of the next period's lesson, but when I'm intentional in listening, it matters.

2. Patience is never perfected. Even when I feel I have patience locked down for that day, I'm reminded a moment's occurrence is all it takes to rattle my cage and leave me feeling irritated and anything but patient. The Lord is teaching me to breathe, not sweat the small stuff, and be patient. Which brings me to my next lesson...

3. Let the little things go. Those close to me know I have a minor...major...control problem. I like knick-knacks positioned just so on a table top, I enjoy loading the dishwasher because I can configure the best arrangement for optimal storage space and cleanliness, I like my cereal in the big yellow bowls-not the medium white bowls-with a large spoon, the little spoons don't let you get enough milk with each bite. See? It's scary. Now imagine desiring things to be a "certain way" with 20 teenagers thrown into the mix. Nope. Doesn't happen. If I expect my "certain way" to occur, I'm the only one who ends up hurt. It's just not worth it. So, I'm getting better-with much effort, mind you-to laugh things off and just let those little things go. The dishwasher may be another story, for now. 

4. Love. Love doesn't hold fast to selfish desires but sacrifices for the betterment of others. A teacher's profession centers around student learning. At the core of what I do is always for the betterment of student learning. It sometimes takes sacrifices on my part with how I expect this path to learning to look. It requires me to do what is in the best interest of my students and put my interests aside. It makes me practice love.

So, 5:45 AM alarm, I still don't like you. But I do like the day you bring along. Thank you, Lord, for my job, even in the midst of my own life lessons.

Papa

top :: Papa and younger brother, Kees, in my father's greenhouse

middle :: summer family photo circa 1989-ish, I know you're loving the sock/shoe combination

bottom: autumn family photo maybe the same year, not really sure

My father (Papa) has an interesting story. Born in a small mussel fishing village in the south of the Netherlands in 1949, my father came from humble beginnings. The only boy and youngest of three, my father began working at a young age for local horticulturists after his own father's health succumbed to cancer when he was only eight years old. Developing a love for the world of horticulture, my father studied collegiately in this field before moving to Guernsey, one of the English channel islands, at age nineteen to work. At the time, he knew little English except for his beloved Beatles songs. Today, if you ask nicely, he may take requests.

While working in Guernsey, my father lived with an elderly couple, the Myrtles. Their accents sound a bit like-to me, at least-Mr. and Mrs. Bouquet from the television show Keeping Up Appearances. After three years in Guernsey, my father moved to Ontario to work with at a Dutch family's greenhouse. It was here that my father came to know the Lord.

I'm unsure how many years he worked in Ontario, but at some point he partnered with a colleague in Ontario to purchase his own greenhouse in Utica, New York. His search for cheap-to-free physical therapy for an old soccer injury led him to my mother, and they wed shortly after meeting. My father has seen many places and met many people, but he is happiest when home with family.

After losing his own father at a young age, my father lost his own son when Kees, my brother, was just fourteen years old. Even in the depths of his sorrow my father still rejoiced in the Lord and encourages me to do the same. We don't speak often, but when we do I listen.

Today he shared the following from his current devotional Jesus Calling. 

When things seem to be going all wrong, stop and affirm your trust in Me. Calmly bring these matters to Me, and leave them in My capable hands. Then, simply do the next thing. Stay in touch with Me through thankful, trusting prayers, resting in My sovereign control. Rejoice in Me - exult in the God of your salvation! As you trust Me, I make your feet like the feet of a deer. I enable you to walk and make progress upon the high places. 

Job 13:15; Psalm 18:33; Habakkuk 3:17-19

The greatest earthly gift is a father who points you toward your heavenly one.

Oh baby!

Orthodontic pacifiers. BPA free, slow flow bottles - 6 or 9 ounces? Swaddle blankets. Changing pads. Crib mattresses. Belly cast kit....just kidding. ; )

Last week an experienced mama friend accompanied me on the overwhelming task of registering for essential baby gear. Babies "R" Us has long overwhelmed me, and now that I had to create the registry, rather than navigate by the one in hand, the feeling intensified. I am forever indebted to this gracious woman for spending part of her afternoon taming the aisles for me.

I've been trying to get as much stuff done for our baby girl before school starts-workdays arrive in less than two weeks now! With the help of Chad's parents, and another incredible friend, our girl's room is painted, crib assembled, dresser positioned, and curtains hung.  I often wander into her room and look around, dreaming of the day she'll be there with me. Having a place in which to envision her sleeping and playing makes her impending arrival all the more real. That and the increasing frequency of her gymnastic routines in my belly. Honestly, I love being pregnant.

Chad and I already love this girl to pieces, but I still worry about being her mom. I worry if I'll do everything right. I worry if I'll forget to teach her something that will mess her up for the rest of her life. I worry I'll be too neurotic. I worry I'll struggle to balance work and home life once I return to teaching. I worry about a lot. Of course I know I shouldn't worry, but it sneaks up on me. To fight this worry I try to remember and rest in knowing that God created me for this and his provision will show itself once baby girl arrives.

And, on a completely unrelated note, the arrival of August and, soon, school, get me excited for all the great things of autumn - cool weather, scarves, wool sweaters, cozy boots, changing leaves, warm drinks, and holidays!